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Many people describe their sex life, including evidence of female arousal, as if it came straight out of erotic fiction. I have come to question these stories because, despite their initial bravado, no one is ever willing to provide any detail. Naturally most women are too embarrassed to comment. They conclude that their experiences of sexual arousal must be abnormal.

Comparing orgasm from female masturbation and with a partner

Graphs are not very exciting concepts but nevertheless they can be useful. Imagine the male orgasm graph which looks a little like a vertical...

Female masturbation is relatively uncommon

Carolyn, a relationship counsellor in her fifties, told me she thought it unwise to positively encourage female masturbation. She did not give her reasons. “Many...

Sexual arousal during intercourse

When I had sex for the first time, I was disappointed because I had hoped that sex would be spontaneously arousing enough for me...

Male nudity does not cause female sexual arousal

The naked male body can be a beautiful sight and yet our heterosexual society is dominated by images of women's bodies. The ancient Greeks...

Sheltering young women from eroticism

Reading the word ‘sexy’, a boy of nine screwed up his face in a gesture of disgust and said “Yuck!”. I asked him why...

Real female orgasms

In the film ‘Private Benjamin’, a group of female army recruits sits around a campfire during an overnight exercise. One of the women says: “I...

The ‘non-genital’ female orgasm

In response to my suggestion that it was ridiculous to suggest that a man can give a woman an orgasm, a man wrote: "My wife...

Enjoying sexual pleasure

When it was suggested recently that UK schools should explain the role of the clitoris, mothers were up in arms. They objected to their...

The 10 facts of female sexuality

Beliefs about female sexuality are more often based on fantasy than facts. These are the 10 essential facts that every sexual woman should know: (1)...

Transferring masturbation techniques to sex

Caroline lived on a farm as a child and was fortunate in having innocent and light-hearted sexual experiences as she grew up. Even as...

How to give a woman an orgasm during sex

The suggestion is that for the perfect sex life a woman just needs to find the right man: usually a loving and considerate partner,...

Sexual relationships favour male orgasm

Let's discuss enjoying sex play (7)

Why sex is fun

If the male sex drive only involved a desire for orgasm, then men would be happy settling for masturbation instead of sex. No doubt...

How to pleasure a man

Tracy Cox (author of ‘Hot Sex’ 1998) tells the story of a woman who welcomes her partner home wearing a sexy nightdress, with champagne...

Very few women talk about orgasm

After finding no answers from talking to experts, I decided to do my own research by talking to women I came across in everyday...

Long-term sexual relationships

Why in our liberated times do women still accept ‘putting up with sex’ just to avoid being single? I am not judging anyone else’s...

How men appreciate sex and love

My mother never talked to me much about sex but she did tell me to respect a man's sexual ego. She believed that a...

Taking the ego out of sex advice

Why do adults so often assume that they know everything about sex when most people have never even read a sex manual? Everyone is entitled...

Is sexual arousal with a partner really so easy?

I approached my adult life in anticipation of a mutually enjoyable sex life. This optimism was fuelled by my love of erotic literature, which...

Explanations for women’s sexual arousal

Some people assert confidently that women orgasm easily during sex. Yet, when I ask for details, the responses are frustratingly vague and defensive. Many people...

What sex experts have told me

When my partner and I decided to get married, his work-mates took him out for a beer to convince him that marriage would mean...

Understanding female sexual desire

One of the misconceptions of the sexual revolution was the proposal that, for men and women to be equal, they had to be the...